Before Intro Body ⇑
After edits to Intro Body ⇑
Before edits to Conclusion ⇑
After edits to Conclusion ⇑
The areas of focus that I chose to make changes was my introduction and conclusion paragraphs. After reading my edits from my peers I chose these two bodies because they either needed more support or to break it down into simpler terms. My introduction body paragraph was way too long and hard to follow from what my peers wrote to me. So with this, I decided to cut back on my information that I was had and focus more on my thesis. For example, I had too much information regarding the EA’s so I took that out and focused solely on what I thought art meant to me. Also, from the reading of the little seagull, focusing on the main point of what I was trying to express helped me fix not only my introduction but my conclusion as well.
On the other hand, was my conclusion. I needed to spice it up and add a call to action from my peer edits. After making my edits, I chose to add a question to grab the readers attention and then at the end of it make them think what does art really mean to them as a reader. With the help of the little seagull on the page 28-29, it helped me a lot of what I needed to have in my conclusion. My changes came from reading this section in the book because it enables myself to spice up certain areas of my conclusion.
There’s no doubt that you have improved these paragraphs. Keep up the good work!